We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle
I’ve never been particularly fond of making New Year’s Resolutions. They’ve always felt like setting myself up for failure. If I’m being honest, I am usually the first person I break a promise to. This year, however, I decided to try something different: A Vision Board.
It may be the amount of time I’ve spent on TikTok over the last few months because let me tell you— there is a whole side of TikTok focused solely on manifesting, goal setting, and vision boards. I mean, there are people who take this stuff very, very seriously. If you don’t believe me, just go to TikTok and type Vision Board in the search bar. You will find a million different people telling you the right and wrong way to do it. From how you set your goals, to how you pick your images and quotes, to where to put it and why.
In fact, according to a vast majority of “Vision Board Experts,” I should have made my vision board months ago. Now, my year is totally going to suck and none of it is going to work, anyway. Go Figure.
The longer I studied the purpose of a vision board and how to create one, I began to realize that I may have accidentally done just that (however incorrectly) in 2023.
Last January, in a moment of frustration and determination, I pulled out a piece of notebook paper and wrote down a bunch of statements. Looking back, I now see they were actually just affirmations, goals, & intentions. Much to my surprise, some of the statements I wrote down last year on that piece of paper actually came to be— exactly the way I’d written them.
Hmmm…Maybe there was something to writing things down and believing they would happen after all. Maybe it was worth the time to create a visual representation of what I wanted out of the upcoming year.
Maybe—Just maybe—I didn’t always break the promises I make to myself, as I believed for so long.
A few months ago, I left my job. I was miserable, burnt out, and creatively stunted. It wasn’t a decision I made overnight, over a few days, or even a few months. It had been a long time coming, yet to everyone on the outside, I’m sure it probably looked as if I was having a nervous breakdown.
To be honest, what everyone else thought was really none of my business because, when it was time for me to move on, I just…moved on.
For the first few days, it felt exactly the way I’d hoped it would: Free at last, Free at last! Thank God Almighty I’m Free at last! But then, I suddenly found myself somewhere completely unexpected: All alone for 8 hours a day with the terrifying freedom to do exactly what I wanted to do. This might not seem terrifying to other people. For me, however, deciding what to do with all that freedom and time felt extremely overwhelming.
You see, I live with ADHD, Autism, Depression, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I also FEEL. ALL. THE. FEELS. The autistic part of me needs a purpose, a routine. The ADHD part of me changes its mind about what the purpose is from minute to minute and becomes easily bored by the routine. The depression part of me thinks everything and everyone (including me) is a huge waste of time and space, and would much prefer to sleep all the live long day. The Anxiety part of me has a hard time making decisions and spends a lot of time trying to figure out which of the other three parts to tackle first, so she usually spends all day just walking around in circles asking, “What am I even doing? Where am I supposed to go? Why does it feel like this room is getting smaller by the minute, and why can’t I breathe?”
Luckily, my online psychiatrists is an absolute gem and made a few medication adjustments right away. When medicated properly, I am able to remember to drink water, feed myself, bathe, breathe, pray, and self-regulate….ALL IN THE SAME DAY! It is then (and pretty much only then) that all the parts of me sort of get on the same page. I find myself restored to something resembling sanity, and I can begin to (as my report cards always said I should do) live up to my full potential.
This year, I am choosing to do just that. I am choosing to write down goals, envision what I want my life to look like, let go of things I can’t control, and do my part to actively live my own life. I can’t guarantee that I will be consistent for the next 365 days, I can’t even say for sure I’ll stay consistent for the next 48 hours, but we’re working towards progress and not perfection here, people. What I can tell you is this: Today, the first day of the New Year, I’ve done all the things I promised myself I was going to do so far, including making the video linked below, where I go back to The Language of Letting Go, back to Melody Beattie, and back to the first meditation in the book: January 1–The New Year
Happy New Year. Here’s to staying inspired.
Keep Coming Back.
Krysten
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